Fall Down 7, Stand Up 8

Yesterday, Samatva honoured the life of Jennifer Leeder, an instructor at Life Yoga here in Kingston, who tragically passed away on January 9, 2011. She was a good friend of the studio and as a sign of respect, Samatva shut its doors at both the west end and downtown locations on the day of her funeral.

As a result, yesterday I established my first home practice. I have played around with asanas at home, yes. But delivering your own sequence, deciding when it is time to push and when it is time to let go and breathe are undertakings I had never tried before. Over the last 5 days I've discovered that I have a much stronger drive to success, better discipline that I anticipated and as such, I not only finished my at-home sequence (sivasana, cat-cow, surya namaskar x3, warriors, lunges, extended side angle, twists, surya namaskar x3, shoulder stand, reclined twists, sivasana), but I spent just as much time as I would at the studio, which surprised me. Isn't it true that when pushed by external forces (aka. someone else), we don't have a choice of whether to quit or not? We just do. At home, when only our inner voice is speaking and pushing to go further, it is much easier to silence this voice, listen to our bodies, and quit. I allowed my inner voice to speak and as it did, I acknowledged and observed it, then let it pass without acting on it. Of this I am very proud.

Let this be a lesson for our every day lives. Michelle uses a great tactic to push us to hold poses for longer, force us to push through discomfort and breathe, look inward. She says "if you start feeling uncomfortable, if your body starts speaking to you that you just can't do it anymore and that it's time to let go, hold for one more round of breath....and if your body continues to speak, hold for one more." It reminds me of a Chinese proverb: "Fall down 7, stand up 8." I hope to carry this optimistic drive over the course of the next 25 days.

Every one of us can carry this attitude off the mat and apply it to our daily lives. When you just can't deal anymore, stay another 5 minutes. If after that, you still can't deal, stay another 5. If you just can't read on, read one more paragraph, and then another. Learning tolerance and discipline to move along despite discomfort is a powerful lesson and I'm thankful to my body and myself that I was able to bring myself to the mat despite a complete lack of experience, guidance and incentive (I could easily lie and tell the studio I practiced and snuggle into bed with a book, or logged this day as one of two allowed rest days).

For all of our hard work, discipline and drive, we must always take time to thank our teachers. The obvious ones, like our professors, parents, yoga instructors. The not-so-obvious ones, like people we struggle to get along with or enemies we have made along our paths. And ourselves. Always thank yourself for the things you allowed yourself to do, despite your better judgement, despite fatigue and stress, and despite pain.