You all know this Facebook note that was popular a few years ago: write 25 things about yourself that nobody knows. I did this note on February 4, 2009. Many things have changed since then in my life. I'm inspired to do this after reading a friend's and learning things about her, and also after watching a few episodes of If You Really Knew Me. I agree that you may not care about these things, but one of my new years resolutions was to live honestly and openly. Read on if you want, and if not, that's ok.
If You Really Knew Me, You'd Know That...
1. I am single and have been for close to 18 months. I'm a relationship person for sure, but for 6 months now I think I've found my groove and am content on my own. However, I always think fondly of past relationships and wonder if anything as awesome will ever happen again. In short, I accept.
2. I'm recently vegetarian and despite how much I get made fun of for it by coworkers and some family members, I'm happy with my new lifestyle. I feel more balanced, healthier and more knowledgable about what I eat.
3. I don't own a TV, but instead shamelessly stream and download the following TV shows from the internet: Glee, ANTM, House, Top Chef, Next Food Network Star, HIMYM and Jersey Shore. When the season airs, I watch The Bachelorette with one of my girlfriends every week.
4. If I wasn't in grad school for biochemistry, I'd be in culinary school.
5. I've been practicing yoga for 8 months and it has changed my life. If under a year I can achieve what I've achieved, I can't imagine what I'll be able to do in the years to come. This challenge both intimidates and excites me.
6. Despite my best meditative efforts, the same thoughts run through my head on a regular basis: Do I look ok? What do people think of me? Did I eat all my vegetables today? Did I exercise today? Did I forget to do anything in the lab? Did I miss any appointments today? When I can I go yoga next and am I improving? Am I really happy with what I've learned over the last few years?
7. I am slowly coming to terms with the way my body was made and will always be, but I have two sore points that I am constantly checking in the mirror. My stomach is flat for the top "4-pack" but bulges out funny at the bottom, such that shirts look funny on me and pants don't quite fit me right. My breasts are too big for my figure, and I get stared at a lot and it makes me uncomfortable. I have seriously considered breast reduction surgery.
8. My favourite parts of my body are my eyes and smile, my calves, the top of my stomach and my shoulders. I get lots of compliments on my smile and it makes me happy.
9. I have no idea what I'm going to do after my grad studies are over, so much so that I'm staying in Kingston for a few more years to complete a PhD. Ideally, I'd like to find a job that will pay well enough to sustain a comfortable lifestyle, and I'd like to become a mother one day. If I can do this and produce happy children, then I'll be happy too.
10. I sometimes feel that my world moves more slowly than the world of others around me. Many friends of mine are out travelling, working abroad, starting "real" jobs and getting married. I believe it's "grad school syndrome" but I feel I have achieved none of those things in the same amount of time. I feel much less accomplished than I did in high school, which I realize now meant very little in the grand scheme of things.
11. I miss my violin. I used to play in concert halls...with orchestras...I used to teach...work on the grandest pieces. My violin is under my bed, and I have my memories.
12. I am proud that I've managed to remain friends with almost everyone I've had shortcomings with. Relationships, "relationships," fall-outs with friends, unfortunate misunderstandings with groups of friends... the common thread is that I initiated conversations in an attempt to apologize and heal the situation, I emailed and called, and I lost sleep over the potential loss of my friendships. I am grateful that 95% of misunderstandings have smoothed themselves out, and I am slowly realizing that the other 5% were never meant to. I am proud of myself for not giving up on my relationships and wanting their memories to endure in a positive way for everyone involved.
13. I wish I was a better dancer. If I had realized how much I love to dance earlier in life I would have taken lessons. I want to take a hip-hop class this semester, and I not-so-secretly love those silly Step Up-type movies.
14. I have dance parties alone at home all the time. I put on my favourite tunes and pretend I'm in a dance movie and or a Beyonce music video. I'm not embarrassed.
15. I know I will have cancer some day. I've started to mentally prepare myself for what is to come. This is part of the reason I have recently started taking good care of myself and my body. This body will not be healthy forever, so I'm nurturing it now.
16. I feel that my life would be rendered meaningless if I found out I was reproductively challenged and could not have children. I would lovingly adopt but I am in awe of the female body and what it can do, and I want to be able to make life in this way.
17. I would love to be able to complete one of those intense solo survival expeditions as part of a character-building outdoor camp. This would be a great accomplishment for me.
18. If I could play any instrument other than the violin, it would be the cello or the double-bass. Yo-Yo Ma is exceptional and his music makes me super emotional.
19. I am terrified to TA my first lab tomorrow. I love to teach and would adore for the students to want to learn from me and ask me exciting questions.
20. I'm a passionate foodie, but I'm not great at making a lot of recipes (especially gnocchi. I've failed twice at making it now). For Christmas I'd like a copy of The Joy of Cooking so I can learn basic skills. I want to be like one of those wonderful Italian mothers who cooks everything from scratch and derives the most joy from feeding her family.
21. I am a work in progress. I think I'm on the right path towards who I will become, but I am in a transition phase right now. There is no better word to describe how I feel about a lot of things these days than "limbo."
22. For lunch tomorrow I really want an avocado, roasted pepper, and tzatziki pita. I fear this may not be possible since my avocados are refusing to ripen. Dinner will likely be perogies and salad.
23. My sleep patterns have dramatically changed over the summer. It's 10pm and I will be asleep within the hour, and I have set my alarm for the comfortable hour of 6:30am. Most days I wake up by 6:00am. In undergrad and last year, I wasn't in bed until at least midnight and was up around 7:30am, sometimes 8:00am. Yesterday I got to sleep in comfortably until 8:30am, but only after I got up at 4:30am to feed my crying kitten.
24. If I could choose the colour of my bedroom walls, I would pain them light asparagus green. Accent colours would be white and black. There would be black and white photography on the walls and beautiful candles and vases everywhere. I would have a white duvet and 500 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets. The floors would be hardwood and I would have a nook near a bright window for reading.
25. My biggest dreams for the foreseeable and attainable future:
- complete my first unassisted free-standing headstand in hot practice. no walls. no help.
- properly write up and defend my mini-MSc and pass my PhD comp exam
- walk up on stage in 4 years wearing that beautiful red silk robe...ahhh that magical red PhD robe from the university that I love. It is prize upon which I've set my eyes on and its vision is what gets me up every morning.